As an instructor and studio owner, one of the most common reasons I see students enroll in martial arts is because they are being bullied at school. As troubling as this reality is, it is not anything new. For decades, martial arts has been seen as a way to help people build their confidence, and for parents, help their children learn to stand up against bullies. While martial arts offers many great benefits and certainly helps build confidence, sometimes a more targeted approach to bullies is needed.
When children find themselves as victims of bullying, some of the most common pieces of advice given to them are to ignore the bully or report them to an adult. While these strategies can be helpful, they are not appropriate in every situation. Bullying is a complex issue that deals with complicated social behavior, and therefore requires an equal means of responding in order to defend ourselves against it. In order to do that, there are a number of different strategies that can be employed against bullies. It is first important however, to understand what a bully is, the many different forms bullying can take, and even understand why people become bullies in the first place.
What is a bully?
Before learning the different techniques to defend ourselves against bullies, it is first important we learn how to identify when someone is being a bully versus when someone might just be having a bad day. Bullies can come in many different forms, in any shape or size, but at the end of the day, they all share two things in common.
- Bullies are people who are intentionally mean to us and seek to cause us some form of distress.
- Bullies seek to inflict this distress repeatedly.
The 4 Forms of Bullying
One of the reasons the age old advice of ignoring a bully or telling an adult doesn’t always work is because they aren’t suitable for every situation. There are many different forms of bullying, and ignoring a bully may not always be an option. In some cases, it may even make things worse. Though bullies may demonstrate a wide array of different tactics, their behaviors fall into one of several categories.
Physical Bullying
Physical bullying involves any form of unwanted contact between a bully and their victim. This could be something as seemingly harmless as poking, or as extreme as punching. Physical bullies tend to be bigger, stronger, and more aggressive than their peers. This form of bullying is favored more by boys than girls.
Verbal Bullying
Verbal bullying, or emotional bullying, is the most common form of bullying. It occurs when a bully uses their words to put down others, and most commonly includes teasing, mocking, name calling, and shouting to make victims feel isolated.
Social Bullying
Social bullying is the most complex form of bullying, and is done to hurt someone’s reputation, thereby damaging their friendships and social standing. It can include things like intentionally leaving someone out of group activities and spreading rumors, and is more favored by girls than boys.
Cyber Bullying
In the past decade we have seen an emergence of cyber bullying, or bullying people over the internet. Social media and online games serve as the venue for this form of bullying. Cyberbullies can be particularly fierce as the anonymity the internet provides emboldens people to be cruel, giving them courage they might not otherwise have. What is particularly distressing about cyber bullying is it can seem inescapable as it can reach us even in the safety of our own home.
Learning and familiarizing ourselves with the different forms of bullying is important. We must be able to recognize the different types of bullying so we can best select which strategy to employ when defending ourselves.
Why do people become bullies?
When a child is getting bullied, one of the most difficult things to understand is why. Why are they being targeted? What did they do wrong? It’s important we let our children know that getting bullied is not their fault, and that the problem lies with the bully, never the victim. Victims are often targeted because they are perceived by the bully to be an easy target. Someone with low confidence who isn’t likely to fight back. Bullies themselves often have low confidence, and use bullying as a way to make themselves feel and appear stronger.
- They aren’t getting the attention they want.
- They themselves have low confidence, so they bully others to feel more powerful.
- They themselves are getting bullied and are using bullying to feel powerful.
- They feel their social status is threatened by the victim.